Feel the feels. Deal with the deals. Plan the plans.
Why processing feelings and assessing situations is necessary to move forward
Ever have one of those days when everything seems to fall apart? Maybe you’ve seen and felt the signs coming, maybe you really thought you had been dealing, and then one day – BOOM! Explosions happen inside you and then you find yourself crumpled on the floor in the fetal position trying to figure out how you got there.
You are not alone.
We’ve all experienced some level of meltdown. From tiny little tantrums of rage to majestic meltdowns of mass hysteria.
On May 7, 2018, I experienced such a meltdown. Without going into too much detail – I’ll totally share it with you, but it’s not the focus today – I was turning 44, single, and had just had a client cancel without rescheduling. Being single, and cancelling clients were two small portions of a much larger problem: I wasn’t where I thought I should be.
This majestic meltdown lasted at least four hours. I was so convinced that I was a complete failure in everything I had ever done. Of course, it wasn’t true, but in that moment the only thing that mattered was criticizing every decision I had ever made. To look for the proof that I was wrong in what I was trying to achieve. I was distraught and caught up in needing to accept responsibility for my choices that I didn’t reach out to anyone. That was a mistake.
Feel the feels. Deal with the deals. Plan the plans.
Out of that majestic meltdown came this quote. Perhaps the title of a book. Perhaps simply a reminder of how to deal. Either way, it encompasses what we need to move forward. Emotions. Situations. Goals. Take a deep breath, pull on your boots and get to work.
Feel the Feels.
Meltdowns are easily avoided. As long as we are willing to feel the feel until it stops being required to be felt. And this is where we stop and our brain is like “whoa… nope. This feeling is uncomfortable. I don’t like, don’t want it, don’t need it.” Cool. But if we’re not processing those feels – anger, anxiety, frustration and fear specifically – then we’re more likely to blow up or meltdown again, or worse, we could get stuck there. I don’t know about you, but if I’m gonna get stuck in an emotion, I’ll take joy, happiness, gratitude and love.
I don’t want to discount a meltdown entirely, though. It can be therapeutic, especially if we truly are unaware of some of our thoughts and feelings. A meltdown can help us to release the pain, because as much as it sucks, pain helps us to grow. It breaks us open. Rips the filter apart. Allows us to be vulnerable. When we take off the mask of ‘everything is fine’ then we can truly see what isn’t, which allows us to acknowledge, feel and release.
Deal with the Deals.
We don’t know what we don’t know, but we do know that we want to know. Dealing with the deals is our chance to know what’s going on. We’ve broken down over things we thought we were handling well. We’ve ignored certain concerns for too long. We’ve covered up the emotions that needed to be felt and now that we have all this information, how do we deal with it? Clearly we can’t ignore and pretend until it all goes away. So take a step back, assess where you are, how you got there and what can be done differently going forward. This looks a lot like self-evaluation. Reconnecting with your why, making sure to keep your vision in plan sight and keep dreaming big!
Plan the Plans.
These are our goals. Our priorities. Our expectations. However, these are not the benchmarks in which to judge ourselves. These are meant to guide us and allow us to pivot when necessary. This is NOT where the ‘should’ lives….
Planning the plans is taking the biggest dream and breaking it down into workable actions. Insert whatever quote works for you here… I like this one: “Every adventure requires a first step.” Cheshire Cat
On May 8, 2018, I turned 44. And woke with an appreciation for my life, as if I hadn’t spent the previous night wallowing in the depths of despair. I wasn’t pretending it hadn’t happened. I wasn’t pushing those feelings down deep, so I could function. I had a genuine appreciation for my life in that moment and it always comes back to gratitude. For the last few years I had focused on all the accomplishments and success I had experienced, no matter how small. In our darkest moments, when we want to inhale an entire cake, max out our credit cards or when we find ourselves in the ugliest of ugly cries, gratitude is, and will be, the tool that your brain has to acknowledge the positives of life. It is the proof we seek that we are valuable and we’ve made the right decisions that have lead us to where we are today. The actual, where we should be. Because where we told ourselves we should be today, is not always in line with what we need in order to get to the next level. And our ‘should’ is always evolving.
Feel your feels you beautiful souls!
With Gratitude,
